Rediscovering my Yooff!

So after a depressive period during 2010 that forced me to get a grip of myself and discover why I was taking everything so damned personally, I realised that there was one thing utterly missing from my life..... simple childlike fun.

As a hobby I do live action role play. Yes I dress up as an Elf (it use to be a Russian gypsy and before that countless make up hours to obtain the look for a Geisha Orc - don't ask it's a fantasy world and I like it), I run around a scout camp between various tented camps, swig mead in the character tavern and generally have fun. However, I am also staff and a responsible bod at these events so I can't really relax and kick back until time out by which point I just want to sleep.

The band is a source of continuous enjoyment but that too will always come with it's stresses and strains, as does running any business. That said there is more enjoyment than stress where the band is concerned so that is always a bonus. The gym for me is fun but also a means to an end in that it aids on the weight loss and keeping in relatively good health.

However not one of these things constitute as childlike fun. All these things have adult responsibilities attached to them and there in lies the problem. So after chatting to my counsellor (yes I have one of these and I must say it has been the best thing I have ever done), she suggested that I put the fun back in and get on a swing in the playground. Well, having always stated that the family moto is 'I may be getting older but I refuse to grow up', who am I not to take the sage advice of my therapist and put the childlike fun back?

So before Christmas I had the harebrained idea that for my birthday I would like to book a soft play centre. Unfortunately as the idea was late in the day and we had many gigs and the tour to contend with, that idea went on the back burner. But I am booking it this year.... yes 36 and I'm booking a sleepover party in a kids soft play centre. You know the ones with huge slides and climbing frames with all that spongey wipe-clean stuff?

Yes we can take a stereo so we can blast out metal as we act like 10 year olds and as it will be a private booking on their licensed night we can take some beverages.... what's not to love about this idea? Oh and we can sleep over... WIN!

Just after Christmas I received a belated yule present from my hubby.

An adult size space hopper. I had one as a kid and now I recall why I had such toned limbs.... it's hard work but hilarious. I adore it. I use it when I fell a little 'meh' as the kids say today, and get on that bounding up and down the hallway or around the dining room. Immense fun.

The latest thing I have purchased in my rediscovering of my childhood fun are roller-skates. Not these inline jobbies that have been everywhere for the last 20 years but good old fashioned quad wheeled roller boots. In fact these are the pair that I have bought and am waiting delivery of.

They are almost identical to the pair I had when I was 8 years old. Most kids had the skates that you attached to a shoe. Imagine how posh I felt having proper boots like Olivia Neutron Bomb had in Xanadu? (I love that film.. even though it's crass). I adored my roller boots. I lived in the damn things during the summer and when it came time to throw them as they were wrecked they had been superseded by those damned infernal inline skates and quads were a thing of the past. I was gutted.

But now 26+ years on and I own them again.... I can't wait to get down Aberafan beach and make a complete tit of myself on the half-pipe trying to do the tricks I could do as a child. It's going to hurt, it'll be fairly embarrassing but most of all, it'll be heaps of FUN :)

K

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PMA and all that Jazz

So the positive mental attitude attack faltered a little last week. It had been more than a bit stressful work wise unaided by me being stupidly oversensitive about many things.

I am a great believer in what you put out into the wider world you get back, so with me being all 'woe is me, nobody likes me' it was unsurprising that nobody really had any interest in my whinging. Plus if you, dear reader, are having a shit day then the last thing you want is me going off about how nobody listens to me and whine, whine, moan, moan. Sorry about that, great friends of the interweb but we all get those days and weeks don't we?

Thankfully an awesome gig on Thursday put that all back into perspective and give me the gee up that I desperately needed. Sometimes you have to let go and just allow the moment to take you. CJ gives the best hugs and has that enviable knack of giving me that 'it's all ok mate' smile when I need it most. She is a true blessing in my life (yes I know I'm gushing but sometimes you have to put these things on record). The boys in the band are a constant source of laughter, and being the old bird of the piece they humour me my foibles. For that I utterly adore them. Plus I really am blessed to work with the most amazing musicians.

Anyhoo, where was I before I got all soppy... oh yes, PMA and all that jazz. So yes, I realised last week that the only person around me who thinks that I am inept etc, old, unable to do xyz, is me. That was an interesting realisation. For all my ranting in the office about how it appeared so and so was making me feel that they think I can't do my job.... WRONG it was me utterly misreading things because I was being so stupidly over sensitive. We all do it, but realising that it's how we think others think of us, that was quite an interesting moment.

So I've been working hard on when that voice crops up to tell it, 'OH back off buster and get back in your hole' and it seems to be working. I'm also getting into the habit of saying no. That's quite a tricky one to master but I'm learning, slowly. So essentially I've taken control and responsibility for the fact that it is only ME that makes me feel this way. And that's got to stop.

On a side note, only a few weeks to Hammerfest and the interview requests have started to come in. I'm stupidly excited about this festival because having attended last years as a punter I know how good it is. Also I get to see some amazing bands that sometimes financial constraints don't allow. So talking about gig stuff, I best push off and get the admin bits and bobs for tomorrow's gig ready and put some lyric ideas and melody ideas down on this 'ere computer for the guys to listen to. Then get ready of rehearsal later..... I do like being busy.

Have a good one guys

K

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Some days are tougher than others

Isn't that so very true. Today is a prime example. Lots of meetings this morning in work and the feeling that I'm hitting my head on a brickwall, coupled with the impression that of late, I appear to be inept at communicating how I truly feel/want to say/think etc.

It's at times like this that I could happily just curl up under my duvet and not come out into the bright, bustling world and happily let the depression take over. How very melodramatic of me, eh? But that is exactly how I feel. You will hear many women say 'Oh my hormones are at it again' and they will be right. This modern day of pills for this and potions for that, coupled with food that takes 2 mins from wrapper to hot in a microwave (or chicken ding as my beloved Grampa called it), is it any wonder that large men have boobs and women are depressed to Hades? Our hormones are bombarded with extra portions of their own selves on a daily basis. You'll find I'm an advocate of organic foods and processed rubbish is a no no in my house. I've become so fixated by this that I'm writing another blog about it. I'll add a link here when it's live :)

But soldier on we must and battle through the lows to regain the highs that keep us smiling. And so to the gym, I once again venture even though I have no motivitaion or inclination to attend. But force myself I shall and I know that it will release the endorphines that will have me fighting fit with another smile on my face in the morning. Add to that a night reading books on confidence etc and how can I possibly not be anything other than a bright ray of sunshine? Yes I too suffer with confidence issues, as hard as you may find that to believe.

Afterall we weren't born depressed or negative. We habitualised those traits until they become the norm, we allow society to dictate how we see ourselves and how others should see us. So why not reverse the trend and habitualise a positive outlook? Why not gain a self image that you are happy with? Easier said than done, I know only too well. But that's what I'm doing. I'll let you know how it goes.... after I've crawled out from under my duvet ;)

K
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2011 you started with such promise....

And yes, you did start with great news.

Firstly the band got announced for Hammerfest 3, which is something we'd been working on for a while and thankfully the hard work paid off. We finalised all the editing of the tour video and started to look into other exciting developments, many of which I can't go into yet but just to give you an idea that January started on a high.

Alas, sadness took over.

On Sunday January 16th my father in law, Peter Kirby, suffered a severe stroke. We had got in late from a gig in Birmingham where Gav (my husband) had done all the driving, only for him to pack up and scoot off to Scotland as soon as his Mum called to tell us the news. By 8pm that evening Gav was at the Kirby homestead in Port William.

It was a shock of course and no matter how much preparation you have it is always heartbreaking but preparing for years for news of this ilk, I'm sorry to say we had been.

Gav's Dad had suffered kidney failure about 10 years ago, a side effect of is diabetes. About 8 years ago he had a kidney transplant. He was recovering well when shingles hit and affected his eyesight. He lost all sight in one eye and was partially sighted in the other, this was hard for Pete as he was an avid reader. We'd spent hours discussing the finer points of Sherlock Holmes both being big fans. Things again started to improve health wise (although Dad had to walk with a stick) and the Kirby's retired from working in Bahrain and returned to the South West of Scotland and to Elsie's (Gav's Mum) home turf. Unfortunately illness struck again, with Pete wheelchair bound for a long period due to the diabetes now affecting the bones in his feet. The bones were rotting internally and eventually amputation was the only course of treatment to stop the spread any further. Pete also suffered with cancerous growths, but these could be easily dealt with as they were on the surface and no other treatment for them were needed other than removal - thankfully.

But what a difference the amputation made. I recall going to see them, and Pete standing up without zimmer or stick. For the first time in ages there was no pause to brace for the pain he felt everytime he stood. It was wonderful to see. It also meant that they could come to visit us at home as Pete could now handle the stairs at our house. I know that meant the world to Gav.

Christmas just, we were worried that the weather would hinder our efforts to spend the first Christmas is two years with Gav's parents. Nothing was stopping us this year and we packed all the necessary supplies plus sleeping bags and spade, just in case, and hot footed it up to Scotland for 5 days. And I am so thankful that the weather favoured us. Pete looked to be in the best health we had seen him for a long, long time. He had had two growths removed the day before we arrived which made him feel a little off colour the first day but come Christmas Eve much laughter and good times were had. It was good to see Pete in the kitchen cooking and, boy could he cook :)

Gav came home on the Monday after Pete's stroke. Dad was in a stable condition, no change overnight and there was not much he could do. Tuesday morning January 18th, Gav's youngest brother called to say the hospital had phoned and Dad was deteriorating. 5:45pm Dad passed away.

I am grateful that it was quick. The rehabilitation would have been very long, and for the most part he would have been just existing had he survived. He would never have wanted that. Pete lived life, just existing was not an option. I am grateful that Gav and his brothers, Clive and Richard, all got the chance to get to Scotland to see him while he was in the best of health before the stroke and one last time on the Sunday before he passed.

Pete never grumbled or complained about his illnesses. He was a positive man with the attitude of 'just get on with it', a typical Yorkshire man, proud and hardworking who had travelled the world, had three wonderful sons and the strongest and most adoring wife. He was a realist, a very practical man. He lived a very full life and even though he had battled diabetes, his Moriarty, for as long as I had known him he didn't let it get him down (or he never showed it if it did). He loved custard which meant an instant rapour with my Mum and me and enjoyed good wine a plus with my own Dad! Silly how it's those little things like custard conversations that make you smile, eh?

I couldn't have asked for a better father in law and I will be forever grateful that he accepted me into his family.

To use Watson's own comments regarding Holmes after his 'death' and the Reichenbach falls:

'A few words may suffice to tell the little that remains. An examination by experts leaves little doubt that a personal contest between the two men ended, as it could hardly fail to end in such a situation, in their reeling over, locked in each other's arms. Any attempt at recovering the bodies was absolutely hopeless, and there, deep down in that dreadful caldron of swirling water and seething foam, will lie for all time the most dangerous criminal and the foremost champion of the law of their generation. The Swiss youth was never found again, and there can be no doubt that he was one of the numerous agents whom Moriarty kept in this employ. As to the gang, it will be within the memory of the public how completely the evidence which Holmes had accumulated exposed their organization, and how heavily the hand of the dead man weighted upon them. Of their terrible chief few details came out during the proceedings, and if I have now been compelled to make a clear statement of his career it is due to those injudicious champions who have endeavored to clear his memory by attacks upon him whom I shall ever regard as the best and the wisest man whom I have ever known.'



Sleep well Dad, we miss you.

xxx

End of the tour!

Triaxis and Kobra and the Lotus on the final night of the UK Tour

Well, what fun it's been.

We didn't get to see or do much in the way of touristy things on this tour but, boy, did we put the milage on the cars. Giles and I drove the cars with rest of band and gear for just under 2500 miles during the course of 14 days on tour. Tiring, yes, but what fun. :D

The fun is evident in the daily videos that Owen slaved over each day. Bringing an inside view on the fun and frolics of this erstwhile five some. It really was an experience and a half and the Kobra and the Lotus bunch were just a joy to work with. There was much fun and camaraderie. Everyone pitched in with load in and take down and Monty Python was quoted over and over! Ni!

Many lessons were learned along the way, including how worthwhile it was to go overboard on the promotion ourselves and not rely on venues or promoters alone. We discovered new fans, new friends, cemented working relationships with all the bands we were fortunate to share the stage with and above all enjoyed every step of it (even driving in snow). We loved it so much that as soon as we were home, we started looking at putting together the next possible tour... even looking at flights to Canada! Well why not innit? ;)

So, just before I slope off to get ready for our last gig of 2010, a quick thanks to everyone who came to make the tour the success it was. Thanks to all those who put us up over the course of the tour and to Susan and the Kobra and the Lotus crew (Brittany, Chris, Griffin, Pat and Brian) for two weeks of good fun and memories.

See you all in 2011. Have a great Festive Season and a Happy New Year - let's make 2011 the best yet!

Krissie
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Triaxis with Hornet and family on the UK Tour Nov 2010

Ta-ra the noo!

Last Thursday the clan (the affectionate and correct term for my husband's Scottish side of the family) had the sad news that Elizabeth 'Granny Mac' McCubbin had passed away unexpectedly.

Granny Mac had only been ill for a few days and her decline was rapid. We should be very grateful for small mercies I suppose. But still the news came as a shock. As I write this Gav, and his eldest brother Clive, are driving to Ayr to attend Granny's funeral tomorrow. So I thought I would take this time to write my farewells as I can't be there to support my husband's family at the passing of the clan matriarch.

Granny was an amazing women, 96 years old and head of the family, she never once forgot a birthday or anniversary for any of her 6 children, their spouses, her umpteen grandchildren and their spouses, and great grandkids..... you get the idea, her birthday notebook was full ;). Her family is sprawled everywhere, from all over Scotland to Canada and over in Oz, Granny kept in touch with everyone, she truly was the centre of the clan.

To give an idea of how truly extraordinary Granny was, I'm reminded of when she had the new carpet fitted in the dinning room of Four Acres, the bungalow the boy's built for her on what was the old pig run on the family farm. Now to any person having a carpet fitted means having to ensure that all the furniture is moved and the area ready for the fitters and if you are say 93 years old (as Granny was at the time) you might wait for the kids to come and do that for you. However, Granny being Gran didn't see the point in waiting and was never one to bother others to do what she could do herself.

I remember Gav and I arriving at Four Acres only a day or so after the new carpet had been fitted, it was in the summer and Gav and I had gone up in the middle of August as his parents hadn't long returned from living abroad. Out the side door were these wonderfully exact bundles tied off with a bit of string. On closer inspection they appeared to be bundles of carpet, rolled up neatly and tied so that they didn't fall open and make a mess out by the garage.

Granny had cut the carpet into strips in situ, then carefully rolled each section up lifting each table leg of her heavy pine table, in turn, just enough to squeeze the carpet out, tied them up and had simply but effectively cleared the space for the fitters. All they had to do was remove the table and fit the new carpet. 93 and taking up carpets!

But that was Granny. She was a farmer's wife with a very practical nature, an amazing talent for home baking and a huge heart.

The world is a little less bright without her but I'm grateful that I got to know her and privileged that she allowed me to call her Gran.

While I can't be there tomorrow, my love and thoughts are with all the clan and a candle will burn in her honour.

Rest well Granny Mac, and in your own words....

Ta-ra the noo.

xxx

(Thanks to my cousin Alex McCubbin for use of the photo)

New guitarist and tour

Hello my lovelies,

As I guessed, I've hardly logged in or blogged, which is shameful really. But I think it's time to change that.

So news from the Triaxis camp, as you'll have probably seen we've got a new guitarist in the form of the fantastic Mr Glyn Williams (Firax, Fury of the Waters). If you've not see the press release, where the heck have you been hiding? ;) Glyn has been known to us for a while and some of you you may have seen his band Fury of the Waters at Hammerfest II last March.



Also Triaxis have been announced as the main support for the upcoming UK tour by Kobra and the Lotus. We'll be on the road for 8 gigs between Nov 19th and Dec 2nd.Please check the myspace for the complete listing . Add to this the Femme Metal Records Halloween Party and a Mini Metal fest in Newport in Decemeber and you can see that we haven't been resting on our laurels.

So we're back in the studio rehearsing, we're writing new tracks (the guys are coming out with some awesome hooks and riffs, I just need to give them worthy lyrics.... no pressure eh?) and we're going to be sorting out a full new set of promo pics in the next few weeks or so.

Busy busy, just the way I like it.

Till next time,

K
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