So the positive mental attitude attack faltered a little last week. It had been more than a bit stressful work wise unaided by me being stupidly oversensitive about many things.
I am a great believer in what you put out into the wider world you get back, so with me being all 'woe is me, nobody likes me' it was unsurprising that nobody really had any interest in my whinging. Plus if you, dear reader, are having a shit day then the last thing you want is me going off about how nobody listens to me and whine, whine, moan, moan. Sorry about that, great friends of the interweb but we all get those days and weeks don't we?
Thankfully an awesome gig on Thursday put that all back into perspective and give me the gee up that I desperately needed. Sometimes you have to let go and just allow the moment to take you. CJ gives the best hugs and has that enviable knack of giving me that 'it's all ok mate' smile when I need it most. She is a true blessing in my life (yes I know I'm gushing but sometimes you have to put these things on record). The boys in the band are a constant source of laughter, and being the old bird of the piece they humour me my foibles. For that I utterly adore them. Plus I really am blessed to work with the most amazing musicians.
Anyhoo, where was I before I got all soppy... oh yes, PMA and all that jazz. So yes, I realised last week that the only person around me who thinks that I am inept etc, old, unable to do xyz, is me. That was an interesting realisation. For all my ranting in the office about how it appeared so and so was making me feel that they think I can't do my job.... WRONG it was me utterly misreading things because I was being so stupidly over sensitive. We all do it, but realising that it's how we think others think of us, that was quite an interesting moment.
So I've been working hard on when that voice crops up to tell it, 'OH back off buster and get back in your hole' and it seems to be working. I'm also getting into the habit of saying no. That's quite a tricky one to master but I'm learning, slowly. So essentially I've taken control and responsibility for the fact that it is only ME that makes me feel this way. And that's got to stop.
On a side note, only a few weeks to Hammerfest and the interview requests have started to come in. I'm stupidly excited about this festival because having attended last years as a punter I know how good it is. Also I get to see some amazing bands that sometimes financial constraints don't allow. So talking about gig stuff, I best push off and get the admin bits and bobs for tomorrow's gig ready and put some lyric ideas and melody ideas down on this 'ere computer for the guys to listen to. Then get ready of rehearsal later..... I do like being busy.
Have a good one guys